[fic] marvel, "and then we run away and all our dreams come true"
TITLE:  and then we run away and all our dreams come true
CHARACTERS:  Tony/Steve, Clint
NOTES:  Rated R.  Takes place post-Civil War.
SUMMARY:  Tony keeps having this dream.


AND THEN WE RUN AWAY AND ALL OUR DREAMS COME TRUE

Tony keeps having this dream.

He keeps having this dream. In the dream, he's standing on a vast expanse of ice, cold before him and cold behind. There's a woman weeping in the background; her weeping sounds distant and his mind shunts the sound away with ten thousand other streams of unimportant data.

In his dream, he is standing on a vast expanse of ice with the ocean before him, and he's looking into the deep, deep water, and in the water is a box. The box is a coffin. The coffin has Steve's sigil on the top, and he is putting Steve back into the cold and the ice and they are taking Steve away from him.

He's in his armor. It's the only reason he doesn't throw himself into the water after Steve's coffin. The armor, much like the casket, maintains an absolute separation of what is within from what is without. The armor is a shield and a shelter and an excuse.

In the dream, he is standing on a vast expanse of ice. In the dream he's wearing his armor; and in the dream, Steve is dead. Steve is dead, and Tony feels the cold that is taking Steve away creeping around his heart, feels his heart shutting down with a clang not unlike the sound of Steve's coffin closing, a clang not unlike the faceplate of his armor snapping down.

In the dream - but it's just a dream, and when he wakes up it's still a dream, waking and sleeping and dreaming and waking again and Steve is still dead, but -

It's not like anything can be real after Steve dies, anyway.


Three uses of the word fuck.

After he dresses Clint in the flag and hands him the shield, it seems like a natural progression to wonder what it would be like to fuck Clint. He wonders if he could rack the chainmail up around Clint's chest, wonders if the muscles in Clint's thighs are thick and corded, wonders if -

He wonders what it would be like for Clint to fuck him: wonders if Clint would fuck him with the cowl on or off, wonders if Clint's eyes would be high and blue like a Sunday sky, wonders if Clint could make him gasp and writhe, wonders if -

He wonders how Clint would call his name: wonders if it would be deep and unstrung, hoarse, if Clint would whisper dirty things in his ear and then flush a bright red at his own temerity, wonders if -

And when they're standing in that alley, watching Kate and Patriot dart away, Tony licks his lips and tilts his head to the left and leans down. Clint's eyes widen (they're the wrong shade) and then he tips his head to the right (wrong direction) and he stands up on his tiptoes (he's the wrong height) but he's wearing the right colors -

And he says -

(Hey, Tony - )

(Love you - )

(Take care of - )

His eyes narrow, and he says, "Fuck you, Tony," and walks away. In that moment, Tony is made poignantly, eloquently aware of how truly fucked up in the head he is, to dress Clint in Cap's mail and - well.

(He still can't help but picture Bucky in red, white, and blue, though.)


And then we run away and all our dreams come true.

He keeps having this dream. Steve comes back from the dead one day - he was a Skrull, he was a plant, maybe he has Logan's healing powers, maybe the bullet put him in suspended animation, who the hell cares -

Steve comes back, and Tony finds out that he was himself a Skrull too, all along, that he didn't really wage a war against his (best friend), he didn't watch Steve's coffin sink away, he didn't dress up another man in Steve's clothes as a replacement. Never happened, and so somehow the Skrull-him is killed and Steve rescues real-him, and then they kiss and make up, only -

Only while they're kissing, Steve's lips turn cold.

Only while they're kissing, Steve falls away -

And Tony is back to standing on that spread of ice, back to watching the only one he ever loved drift deeper and away, back to the armor and the wall and the casket.

Tony keeps having this dream.